No. . . I'm talking about Cardiff City's goal-den shot Rob Earnshaw, whose staggering ratio of goals per game is fast establishing him as one of the best Bluebirds' strikers in history.
He purred after yet another two yesterday against Crewe: "I just love scoring goals. You can't beat the feeling of the ball hitting the back of the net . . . and I want a lot more of it."
Glenn Hoddle's Tottenham side will certainly have to watch the in-form scoring sensation closely as the Bluebirds bid to spring a Worthington Cup second-round upset on Tuesday evening.
Earnshaw's two-goal blast against Plymouth last Tuesday night and again against Crewe yesterday, not only sent the Bluebirds soaring to the top of the table, but sent him through the 50-goal barrier for City.
Those 52 goals have come in a total of 104 games - but Earnshaw has only started in 68 of them. The rest have been bit appearances as a substitute.
It must, of course, be pointed out that Earnie's goals have by and large come in Divisions Two and Three.
But, lower divisions or not, it remains a goals-per-game ratio that any great striker of the past would be proud of and gives Earnie a record which stands comparison with previous top City scorers like John Toshack, Brian Clark, Carl Dale and even Stan Richards from the 1940s. Only seven of them have come as a sub.
Earnshaw said: "I was made aware of the figures a couple of weeks ago, but I have to admit
I didn't realise they were that good.
"I'm obviously delighted with the goals ratio and I want to keep it going and going."
He smiled: "Can I? You just watch this space!"
Earnshaw went on: "It's great for me as a striker because we have got so many top players at Cardiff that invariably they
AN INCREDIBLE 52 goals from only 68 starts?
The record of Gerd Muller, Pele, Jimmy Greaves, or any of the goalscoring greats of the past?
"I love scoring. When the ball hits the back of the net it's an unbelievable feeling, particularly when they come in the closing minutes as they did against Crewe and turn the game for us." The next challenge for Earnshaw is Spurs in the Worthington Cup. And, in an ominous message to defenders, he reckons he is going to get even better, courtesy of the confidence he has assumed from becoming a regular in Mark Hughes's Wales squad.
Earnshaw explained: "Just training with and working next to a player like Ryan Giggs is bound to help your own game.
"Watching him close up in training, and seeing at first hand the amazing level of skill he has, is impressive enough.
"But I've also noticed what a great team player Ryan is, how he always looks to play the ball in to a teammate in a better position.
"That is something I'm trying to bring into my own game. "So while I want to keep on scoring, I'm aware that strikers can be a little bit blinkered at times in and around the penalty box.
"I'm getting a lot of satisfaction from setting up goals these days, too. "I've done that in recent matches for Andy Legg and Graham Kavanagh. I'm learning that it doesn't matter whose name is on the scoresheet - provided Cardiff City have won."
That, of course, is not strictly true. Football is a team game, but tell me a striker who doesn't care about his goal ratio and I will show you a striker who is being economical with the truth.
As our figures show, though, Earnshaw's statistics make staggering reading, whichever way you look at it.
And if he carries on this way, he's going to smash every City scoring record going - and have to think hard about a new goal celebration routine, too.
Earnshaw traditionally does his somersault and follows that with a little dance or movement, which he likes to change.
The most recent one, Bluebirds fans have noticed against Plymouth and Crewe, is the bizarre shovelling movement Earnshaw indulges in.
Explaining the mystery, Earnshaw said: "It was a digging for gold movement, which was appropriate because we are top of the table."